Never Turns Out the Way You Planned

I am a planning perfectionist by heart. I am not a fan of surprises or a riding by the seat of my pants kinda gal. I don't procrastinate, well most of the time I don't. I like everything planned and orderly. Usually, I am the one in control when it comes to plans. It drives me crazy when things aren't thought out before moving forward. It could be hereditary or it could be because I am the oldest child. Who every really knows. All I know is it gives me comfort.

Then life gives you a wake up call. Wake up stupid, things are never that easy. Sure, it may be easy for others, but me not so much. You can't plan everything some things have to be left up to "fate". Well fate, I gotta tell you something... it's not funny anymore. Quit messing with my head and heart. Every where I look, every where I read, every where I go, reminds me of what I don't have. Isn't that enough? Haven't you tortured me enough?

I am struggling with my own personal battle. Trying desperately not to let it consume my thoughts and drive me completely insane. I am almost at a breaking point. Holding on to a very thin glimmer of hope that seem to dwindle with each passing day. Sure, I'm not alone in this world, I'm not the only person with this battle. It still hurts all the same. Relax, they say. Relaxing isn't in my DNA. This isn't in my control and it is killing me slowly.